Hog on the Run
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Today's Minor Misfortunes
- My underwear appears to be trying to kill me. I experienced a series of stabby sensations in my chestal region, like carpet burn, only sharper. On retiring to the ladies room, I noticed that one boob had acquired a sort of hemispheric attitude, as if I had chopped a grapefruit in half, stuffed one half into le brassiere, then forgotten to do the same on the other side. Assuming the worst ( spontaneous Pam mams?) I fearfully lifted my sweater to check the evidence. Turns out, the underwire on the left had decided to tear free from it's moorings and make a break for freedom. I then had two choices: allow extra time for bathroom visits to check on the situation vis a vis my globe-boob, or remove the offending strut and spend the day looking lopsided. I opted for number one. (Yes, I know, I should rename this The Boob Blog. Let me tell you, these appendages are out to get me.)
- I have inadvertently turned my hair a rich and entirely unnatural shade of bruise-like purple. Do not trust the manufacturers of hair dye products! Or alternatively, when the instructions say "Do a shade test" do not assume that they are joking. Since when was "raisin" purple? The colour also has the surprising effect of throwing my nose into sharp relief. Nuts.
On the plus side, the joker who overtook me on the way to work this morning in his pidly Peugeot (and me driving the mothership, who hates to be overtaken) had obviously not noticed the enormous cock n'balls which someone had drawn in the snow on the car's bonnet. Or maybe he put it there. Either way, justice is served.
:: gibbered Okapi, at 10:14 pm
4 Comments:
In college I accidently dyed my hair a pinkish-purple color. My sister kept saying how it looked fine, but now she admits it really was purple. By the way, the same thing happened to me with my underwire bra at work. Why is it so much work to be a woman?
As your attorney I advise you to go about with purple hair and lopsided boobs - and the moment anyone so much as glances at you, shriek "What? What?!? WHAT!?!?!" at them.
You and my girlfriend would really get along together. She had purple hair for a while (though on purpose in her punk rocker days). Your blog is spiff-tastic! I'm barely containing my jealousy!
I really don't wish to hijack your comments, but you said you were looking forward to more on Señor Castillo, and, well, there's more. I had no other way to contact you.
Also, your profile said "Glorified Answerer of Phones" which is my current occupation as well. I'll have to trade stupid-customer stories sometime.
There are worse colours to accidentally die one's hair. Just enjoy it!
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Today's Minor Misfortunes
- My underwear appears to be trying to kill me. I experienced a series of stabby sensations in my chestal region, like carpet burn, only sharper. On retiring to the ladies room, I noticed that one boob had acquired a sort of hemispheric attitude, as if I had chopped a grapefruit in half, stuffed one half into le brassiere, then forgotten to do the same on the other side. Assuming the worst ( spontaneous Pam mams?) I fearfully lifted my sweater to check the evidence. Turns out, the underwire on the left had decided to tear free from it's moorings and make a break for freedom. I then had two choices: allow extra time for bathroom visits to check on the situation vis a vis my globe-boob, or remove the offending strut and spend the day looking lopsided. I opted for number one. (Yes, I know, I should rename this The Boob Blog. Let me tell you, these appendages are out to get me.)
- I have inadvertently turned my hair a rich and entirely unnatural shade of bruise-like purple. Do not trust the manufacturers of hair dye products! Or alternatively, when the instructions say "Do a shade test" do not assume that they are joking. Since when was "raisin" purple? The colour also has the surprising effect of throwing my nose into sharp relief. Nuts.
:: gibbered Okapi, at 10:14 pm
4 Comments:
In college I accidently dyed my hair a pinkish-purple color. My sister kept saying how it looked fine, but now she admits it really was purple. By the way, the same thing happened to me with my underwire bra at work. Why is it so much work to be a woman?
As your attorney I advise you to go about with purple hair and lopsided boobs - and the moment anyone so much as glances at you, shriek "What? What?!? WHAT!?!?!" at them.
You and my girlfriend would really get along together. She had purple hair for a while (though on purpose in her punk rocker days). Your blog is spiff-tastic! I'm barely containing my jealousy!
I really don't wish to hijack your comments, but you said you were looking forward to more on Señor Castillo, and, well, there's more. I had no other way to contact you.
Also, your profile said "Glorified Answerer of Phones" which is my current occupation as well. I'll have to trade stupid-customer stories sometime.
There are worse colours to accidentally die one's hair. Just enjoy it!
Also, your profile said "Glorified Answerer of Phones" which is my current occupation as well. I'll have to trade stupid-customer stories sometime.
There are worse colours to accidentally die one's hair. Just enjoy it!
