Hog on the Run
Monday, March 28, 2005
Sideshow Boob
Last time, I absolutely promise. Or call it a leitmotif, whatever makes you happy.
At the weekend I purchased a new bra. I rather liked it, it's kind of meshy and slightly floral, with those sort of foamy line-enhancing cups. Foolishly, I did not try it on, assuming that manufacturers of lingerie actually stick to sizes when they make the damn things. Idiot.
I tried all the usual manoeuvres while getting dressed, tightening the straps, hoiking the twins up and resettling them, to no avail. The bosoms rested in the cups (hate that word) like a pair of Victoria sponges that had been cooked for too long and had shrunk back in the tins. Running short on time and patience, I slung on a loose sweater, hoping this would disguise the evidence, and made haste for the office. Uplift, schmuplift.
On reflection I should have thought the whole thing through more. In the bathroom mirror, the tightened straps made my chestal orbs appear to be levitating against the wool. There was a definite amount of quad boob going on , only the top two halves of the quad had seemingly sunk. I also noted a certain level of oscillatory action. Look into my boobs, you are feeling sleepy, very sleepy.......
I can only assume that either a) Lingerie makers are assholes or b) my boobs have shrunk.
Sidekick notes, "Bigger is better than smaller, I suppose. Although, that's a matter of opinion". Definitive, I think you'll agree.
:: gibbered Okapi, at 4:24 pm
4 Comments:
I think you should start a bra blog. Or a boob blog. Like a shoe blog or a purse blog.
You can try on the bras and give your boobular opinions and advice.
I think it's hilarious when you write about your vagrant mammaries.
Though this comes from a girl who flew all the way to Scotland last week and did not notice until she got there that one bra cup had the underwire, and one did not, thus causing a noticeable difference in mammary perkiness. Damned cheap Russian bra. I'm sticking wtih Marks and Sparks from now on.
I'll second the motion for the boob blog.
1. I think "boobular" is my new favourite word, no contest.
2. Always good to know I am not alone in having wayward undies.
2. Both Booblog and Boobblog already exist. I tried to set 'em up, taken. In the spirit of curiosity I had a look and discovered the phrase, "avocado corcovado babaloo backbreakers", describing a truly enormous pair of norks.
And people say the inter-a-net is useless.
norks? NORKS? Hahahahaha. I am calling them norks from now on. My Nordic Norks. Priceless.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Sideshow Boob
Last time, I absolutely promise. Or call it a leitmotif, whatever makes you happy.
At the weekend I purchased a new bra. I rather liked it, it's kind of meshy and slightly floral, with those sort of foamy line-enhancing cups. Foolishly, I did not try it on, assuming that manufacturers of lingerie actually stick to sizes when they make the damn things. Idiot.
I tried all the usual manoeuvres while getting dressed, tightening the straps, hoiking the twins up and resettling them, to no avail. The bosoms rested in the cups (hate that word) like a pair of Victoria sponges that had been cooked for too long and had shrunk back in the tins. Running short on time and patience, I slung on a loose sweater, hoping this would disguise the evidence, and made haste for the office. Uplift, schmuplift.
On reflection I should have thought the whole thing through more. In the bathroom mirror, the tightened straps made my chestal orbs appear to be levitating against the wool. There was a definite amount of quad boob going on , only the top two halves of the quad had seemingly sunk. I also noted a certain level of oscillatory action. Look into my boobs, you are feeling sleepy, very sleepy.......
I can only assume that either a) Lingerie makers are assholes or b) my boobs have shrunk.
Sidekick notes, "Bigger is better than smaller, I suppose. Although, that's a matter of opinion". Definitive, I think you'll agree.
At the weekend I purchased a new bra. I rather liked it, it's kind of meshy and slightly floral, with those sort of foamy line-enhancing cups. Foolishly, I did not try it on, assuming that manufacturers of lingerie actually stick to sizes when they make the damn things. Idiot.
I tried all the usual manoeuvres while getting dressed, tightening the straps, hoiking the twins up and resettling them, to no avail. The bosoms rested in the cups (hate that word) like a pair of Victoria sponges that had been cooked for too long and had shrunk back in the tins. Running short on time and patience, I slung on a loose sweater, hoping this would disguise the evidence, and made haste for the office. Uplift, schmuplift.
On reflection I should have thought the whole thing through more. In the bathroom mirror, the tightened straps made my chestal orbs appear to be levitating against the wool. There was a definite amount of quad boob going on , only the top two halves of the quad had seemingly sunk. I also noted a certain level of oscillatory action. Look into my boobs, you are feeling sleepy, very sleepy.......
I can only assume that either a) Lingerie makers are assholes or b) my boobs have shrunk.
Sidekick notes, "Bigger is better than smaller, I suppose. Although, that's a matter of opinion". Definitive, I think you'll agree.
:: gibbered Okapi, at 4:24 pm
4 Comments:
I think you should start a bra blog. Or a boob blog. Like a shoe blog or a purse blog.
You can try on the bras and give your boobular opinions and advice.
I think it's hilarious when you write about your vagrant mammaries.
Though this comes from a girl who flew all the way to Scotland last week and did not notice until she got there that one bra cup had the underwire, and one did not, thus causing a noticeable difference in mammary perkiness. Damned cheap Russian bra. I'm sticking wtih Marks and Sparks from now on.
You can try on the bras and give your boobular opinions and advice.
I think it's hilarious when you write about your vagrant mammaries.
Though this comes from a girl who flew all the way to Scotland last week and did not notice until she got there that one bra cup had the underwire, and one did not, thus causing a noticeable difference in mammary perkiness. Damned cheap Russian bra. I'm sticking wtih Marks and Sparks from now on.
I'll second the motion for the boob blog.
1. I think "boobular" is my new favourite word, no contest.
2. Always good to know I am not alone in having wayward undies.
2. Both Booblog and Boobblog already exist. I tried to set 'em up, taken. In the spirit of curiosity I had a look and discovered the phrase, "avocado corcovado babaloo backbreakers", describing a truly enormous pair of norks.
And people say the inter-a-net is useless.
2. Always good to know I am not alone in having wayward undies.
2. Both Booblog and Boobblog already exist. I tried to set 'em up, taken. In the spirit of curiosity I had a look and discovered the phrase, "avocado corcovado babaloo backbreakers", describing a truly enormous pair of norks.
And people say the inter-a-net is useless.
norks? NORKS? Hahahahaha. I am calling them norks from now on. My Nordic Norks. Priceless.
